Headlines From The Year: 2029

• Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formerly known as
  California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
• Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
• Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
• Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
• Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
• France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
• Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
• George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
• Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
• 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
• Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
• Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.
• Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
• Abortion clinics now available in everyHigh School in United States.
• Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
• Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
• Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
• Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
• New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030
• Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
• IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
• Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.